It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
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I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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