someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
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