I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
