She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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