What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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