You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
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He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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