I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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