I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize