i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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