im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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