Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
