you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
