there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
