I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
