i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
