I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
