FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
