just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
