come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
