thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
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my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
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Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
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