the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
