the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
