Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
