yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I think im going to throw up on grandma
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
