I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
