The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
