fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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