Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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