Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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