So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
