i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
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