i just snorted my name. best moment ever
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
