Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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