but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
So here I am, sexting at work.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize