yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize