Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
