If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
