I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
