??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i will never coherently bang her
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
this is an emotional support booty call
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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