I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
