Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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