so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
