You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
