Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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