i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i dont even know how to be here
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
