i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
