You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
