alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
