Please, let me fuck your mom
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
The cops high fived after they tackled you
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
