All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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