oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
