the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
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