we have officially lost it.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
