That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize