Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
