i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
