God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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