i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
