I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
