I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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