yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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